I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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