I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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