god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
