That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
