i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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