Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
