I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
