ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
