So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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