Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
