you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
