Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You were trust falling into bushes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
