420 ftw
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
