Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
