did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
