evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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