the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
