Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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