By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
