Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
