I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
