I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
