He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
