I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
