fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize