Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
