i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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