If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
