On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
