Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
