I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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