We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
