better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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