no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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