I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
