I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
