She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
