I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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