i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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