dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
