Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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