The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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