Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
