I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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