we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
