i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
