well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
