No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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