some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
