Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
