he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
