I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
