He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize