Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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