the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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