he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
