i jhust puked up my retainher.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
