Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize