You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
