Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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