What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
