spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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