I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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