My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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