If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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