Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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