Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize