so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
