just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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