It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize