Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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