I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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