Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
