Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
