i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we should paint friendship bongs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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