Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
