I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
