if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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