Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
