if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
