I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
