I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
