Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
