Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
