Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
