and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
