PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
