we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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