He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
