My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
