new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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