I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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