Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
