So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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