VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You can't special order awesome
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
